The Idolatry of Complete Understanding

"The opposite of faith is not doubt, but fear. Faith implies risk. I will cast my life on this possibility that God is for me. I do not have any proof except my commitment. I do not have to claim complete understanding - that is idolatry. The faith view of reality is frightening in its openness, and so institutions that are always trying to control reality with dictums and and laws and creeds."
(Verna Dozier, The Dream of God )

For the longest time I understood "having faith" as "never having any doubts." It was almost as if one had to reach a certain level of spirituality before you could qualify as one that "had faith." So, for a long time I pretty much saw myself as one that was "faithless" or without faith - mainly because I tend to have questions and I have my doubts.

But in my spiritual evolution I have some to see - and embrace - the reality that doubt is not the opposite of faith. In fact, I pretty much feel that it takes alot of faith to have doubts! Doubts have been my entry port into a deeper faith. It's not always easy or fun. And, sometimes it can make me downright irritable. But I have tried to be patient with my doubts and my questions because they have often led to deeper growth.

In the above quote, it's challenging - and helpful - to be reminded that complete understanding is akin to idolatry. So, if I don't understand everything there is to be understood, that is okay. To say that I completely understand and "get it" puts me in the position of being in control and that is the seedbed of idolatry. To be "in control" is the goal of all of us but it's not God's way for us. God is not about us being "in control" as being dependent upon God for all we are and well we can be. Only when I am completely dependent upon God and living into that benevolent unknown do I truly know what it means to live in faith - to cast my life on the possibility that God is for me.